Hello, anxiety.

Ever since my last year of high school, my confidence hasn’t quite recovered to what it used to be. I won’t go into details purely because it was quite a private ordeal, and would probably bring back a flood of emotions I don’t want to have to deal with right now. But anyway, I’ve had a lot of social anxiety since then, and even to this day I struggle with it.

So today I found a fairly amusing video, and posted it on my wall. I then debated whether or not to post it in the University Stalkerspace facebook group, and ended up posting it. So far so good. I felt a wave of accomplishment, which is silly I know, but I often retreat from the idea of doing so because the people in the group are ruthless when they see something that’s not to their taste.

So, post up, getting likes and comments, when someone says, “actual shameless rip straight from r/gaming… this is how far this page has descended…”. Boom goes my self-esteem. I regret posting, I regret thinking that it’d be okay, I regret psyching myself up and making myself post it. What makes it worse is it’s from a girl who I usually enjoy reading the comments from. She’s a friend of a friend, and I’ve actually spoken to her in real life at a party. We hit it off really well, and she was an absolutely lovely person. In real life, that is.

Also the comment accuses me of basically reposting from reddit – but I’ve never spent ANY time on reddit. I mean, there are other websites, y’know? I actually got it off my facebook newsfeed, so being accused of something I didn’t do and being torn down because of it was no fun at all.

Bleh. Ah well.

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