This post is half a pseudo-self-inspiration-y type piece, but more so just a general note to self for when I get insecure, because it happens, and it happens a lot. I woke up from a dream the other night and was nearly in tears because I had this overwhelming sense of: “I’ll never be ‘white’, I’ll never be fair skinned or blue eyed and I’ll never be stereotypically pretty like those other girls“.
By other girls there I mean the kind that you see on Tumblr or We Heart It or any social media outlet, where the ‘beautiful’ girls (such as the above) have perfect long blonde hair, skinny waisted, sun-kissed-but-pale-when-they-want-to-be girls with perfect teeth, skin and bodies. Then of course having just woken up, I’d go to the bathroom to brush my teeth and be met with a reflection of myself that I didn’t like: darker tanned skin, bushier eyebrows, hair that requires showering every morning to straighten out the kinks, and teeth nobody would be particularly envious of. A bit of makeup later and I’m usually alright with my self-image, but every now and then I’ll get so insecure I don’t feel like going out, instead preferring .
But eventually I come back to this next thought:
I’m glad I’m not stunningly beautiful. I’m thankful I’m not a blonde bombshell with fair skin and bambi blue eyes. I don’t think I could stand it. I mean, yes, the world would be a much easier place and yes, I could get away with wearing all the ridiculous fashion-y things I dream of because hey – I’d be gorgeous anyway. But I’d be eye-catching for entirely superficial reasons. And from what little ‘unwanted’ attention I already get from
creepy older men, I don’t think it’d be worth it. Not at all. Also relatively few people would get to know me for ‘me’, just like Howell Granger in Black Books, who was only fantasised about because of his voice, a relationship where I’m only admired for my looks would be terribly shallow and just plain dull.
Sorry this isn’t much of a ‘deep’ post… can’t win ’em all!