Cat burglar

Do you ever find yourself in such a stupid/ridiculous situation that as soon as you’re out of it you say to yourself, “I HAVE to tell someone about this”? Like, say, for instance, walking around in the dark at 2AM in a cat onesie carrying a bucket of murky water looking very suspicious and walking past someone you’re 80% sure you know and then having to hide your face whilst scuttling back to your house? No? Well, I did.

Let’s backtrack a little. Yesterday a man came to the house and said he was changing the water meter and that the water would be off for five minutes. All good, water went off, water came back on…. and then water went off again. I was out most of the day after that, so I figured it’d come back on before I got home. It didn’t. I went to use the toilet and had that horrible ‘oh no’ realisation that the flush wasn’t going to work. It obviously took my brain a while to process this, because in the next 20 minutes I tried to do the dishes twice, and put a load of laundry into the wash…. where it’s still sitting.

Anywho, today I went about my business, again mostly out of the house, only getting back home a while after midnight (as you can tell by time of writing), and being all hyped up from the day’s events – comedy! – I couldn’t sleep. Then the stubborn part of my brain starts getting really annoyed that I can’t flush the toilet… To which 2AM me decides ‘Oh I know, lets just go get water from another house! Everyone’s asleep, nobody will notice.’ Dumb-and-sort-of-sleepy me throws on my cat onesie, the nearest item of clothing that doesn’t require zips or pants or anything that really takes any effort. It’s 2AM I think, nobody will even be around. Bucket in one hand, torch in the other, I leave my house feeling quite absurd.

I try my neighbours house first. They have no water either. Part of me is relieved that I’m not the only one going through this, but then I just feel bad for them too. I walk along to a house I think is empty, and being the wimp I am, I suddenly cannot get Slenderman out of my mind, shining a light through the windows (very glad that my assumption that the house is empty was right, that could have been awkward) to make sure nothing is going to pop up and kill me. I try their water faucet and it works! Huzzah! Water! I don’t think I’ve ever been so happy to see dirty water. I fill up the bucket and begin the waddle back to my house. As I turn the corner a figure approaches me, and naturally, mentally I go “Oh great, a murderer. Just my luck”, but as he gets closer I recognise his face – it’s a guy I did a lab class with a year ago… at least, I think it is. I only had about 2 seconds to look before I realised that regardless of who it was, I didn’t want my face being remembered as ‘that weird chick dressed as a cat carrying a bucket of… something’.

Head down, waddle forward.

Got back to mine, realised how dirty the water was, didn’t care. Job done. After which I burst into a fit of giggles at how stupid the last 10 minutes of my life was and called one of my best friends to tell her all about it. I am 21 years old. I am an adult. Adults do not do these kinds of things.



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